My 3 year old negotiator

My 3 year old son knows how to negotiate for what he wants. This isn't a surprise for most parents; kids seem programmed to recognize the rules of games and optimize within those rules. Yes, they break the rules too, but that also is part of growing up as a boy: finding your limits. But William is talented at the basic negotiation process. Here are three techniques I've seen him use, much to my astonishment and pride:

1. Make the first demand. This morning I got back from a run and found him wandering around the living room. He saw me and my drink and immediately said, "I want some Gatorade." Normally I would get him water or milk right off the bat, but he got me thinking about Gatorade. What's the harm in a little Gatorade in the morning, just a couple sips? I mean, it has electrolytes. Lesson: the entire negotiation swirled around the initial demand and eventually he got a half-sippy cup of Gatorade.
2. Use time as a stick, if you have no other hope. OK, it's really called "stalling." However, he can weaken my position if there are delay costs for me but not for him. Going to bed usually means the onset of defeat for a child. But the game's not over until he falls asleep. So he has an ever-widening array of tools to delay this final defeat: I want water, I need to go pee-pee, I want some music, I need my bear, can you tuck me in?, I want the door open, I'm scared (this last one tends to short-circuit negotiations).
3. Have viable alternatives. If you have alternatives to what is being negotiated, you have the ability to walk away, which is a powerful position, especially if you are in negotiation with someone who has fewer or even no viable alternatives. The other day I offered William some strawberries, but while the fridge was open he also saw that we had blueberries and raspberries (he gained information that I didn't want him to have). "No, I want blueberries." Blueberries are really fun to eat, and they are preferable to strawberries. "No, buddy, let's stick with strawberries for now." Some minor back-and-forth about this, but, frankly, strawberries are pretty good too. But to my surprise he just went back to the Gatorade I had poured for him earlier!
4. Be fearless. As far as William knows, a spanking is the absolute worst that can happen. Knowing this (and having experienced it and recovered) he likes to take risks and ask for things he normally wouldn't get.

My own parenting shortcomings aside, I am amazed at how kids seem to pick up on bargaining and other rules of the game. Conversely, it shows that negotiating with people is intuitive and easy enough for a child to figure out. If you find yourself in a negotiation, take a moment to imagine the rules of the game and you will be in a better position.

Anchored

My wife and I celebrated the birth of our third child, Pearson, last night.  Pearson was born a week ago and is adjusting to life outside the womb just swimmingly.  He is one of those easy babies who eats well and sleeps well, and doesn't squawk too much; however, Susannah and I are well aware of the threat of having that good fortune turn on us in an instant (all-night screaming, and so on)!

We celebrated by grilling thick asparagus and big slabs of prime grade New York strips, with olive oil roasted potatoes on the side.  And the crowning touch was a phenomenal bottle of Napa Cabernet Sauvignon from Provenance Vineyards. We had the 2007 vintage. I actually found this wine at Costco and I'm always impressed with the deals and selection there.

What struck me is how these niceties were anchored to the idea of a great celebration. Wine is basically a celebration in a bottle. Steak with red wine is a delightful combination that almost always works. Even the idea of having a lovely meal as a way of celebrating was at play last night.

All these great rituals are anchored in my mind as a way to commemorate something special. The wine industry knows this, and does well to show their products being used as a central element of celebration. And the pleasant memories of the celebration bring people back to wine to ensure their party is a success. Wine has always been that way (see the New Testament where Jesus Christ makes a bunch of wine for a giant wedding party). Of course, wine does mean different things to some people: it's a collectible, a form of art, or just a status symbol. But mainly it is a celebration in a bottle.

How are your products anchored in the mind of your tribe?

The power of testimony

As any parent can tell you, you never know what exactly your kids are going to end up playing with.  Usually it's the box that the $30 toy comes in.  And no matter how long a particular toy has sat dormant, if one of my kids pick it up, it is suddenly an object of interest to the other.

Here's an example.  My kids are crazy about this mini ketchup bottle that we have.  All it is is a small red bottle whose cap you can take off to put water inside.  They pretend to drink out of it, put ketchup on hot dogs, carry blueberries inside it, and so on.  And if Madeleine picks it up and William sees her, suddenly he drops whatever he is doing to go after it.  They end up fighting over it and I have to break it up (William, wait your turn, Madeleine, be sure to give William a turn, that sort of thing).

I realized that the bottle doesn't get much attention until one of the kids randomly picks it up.  Once Madeleine starts drinking or preparing salad dressing with it, William is all over her because he sees how much fun she is having, and he imagines himself having the same good time.  She is testifying to the value of the toy, and suddenly he is paying attention and he wants it.

It seems the same way with adults. Evaluating a new product? Hear from someone who has been there, used it, and been improved by it. The more authentic and enthusiastic the testifier, the better. It's one of many ways to communicate the value of something you are selling.

But the key is to be authentic. The power of a "paid actor" is on the wane. Spontaneous, authentic excitement from real customers is becoming the predominantly effective way to do this.